ANGER IS OK...ITS A PROCESS,JUST PUT A TAB ON IT!

'When you feel angry do not let it  be hidden'... This might sound a lot different from a typical advice of 'do not show it Honey', but believe me anger can be an outlet. A powerful outlet for your soul. It is like a window that has the capacity to let in fresh air,if you only open it wide enough to let the bad air out.

Somehow we have to admit it to ourselves and to others to find that our healing starts.Often time,  all of these have a way of cooling our stance in the situation that we find ourselves.

While angry you have to be careful to handle yourself appropriately because there is always a thin line  between the good and the bad that can accrue from that outlet. This is because in being angry,you may have the edge and the ability to have all the aces and yet loose someone you love through that same outlet.It is just like treating cancer.You have to kill the cells but if care is not taken,you can also kill the human.So,in dealing with anger you are the doctor.You have to be watchful and observant and not let your sensitivities go. That person you are angry with is extremely important and what you can do by wielding the sword can extract or kill.

Anger is indeed liberating  depending on the perspective you choose to see it.Anger is  a feeling that we  seem  to easily learn to hide.It could bring immense gratification if we can really internalise how to feel the feeling and still channel it aright to achieve what we want to achieve with it and also get better  relationships and understanding from the people we love.

This is true because it is when others learn  about the things that we do not want them to do to us that they can keep a checkmate on them and learn to relate  with us  and figure out the way  to make "us"(our relationships with them) work.

I think we have always seen anger in a bad way.That is why we have also labelled it to assume a monster status.However it can be the only way we discover afresh how to negotiate our lives for the better.Anger is a strong negotiation tool for the kind of life we want, plus the things that we desire.Being angry can be  likened to sitting at that table with the other person and trying to meet them at a middle point to be able to get our desires.

Surprisingly as i write this piece i logged into an application( message from God) on my social networking site and was greeted with these powerful words: "On this day of your life, Destiny, we believe God wants you to know ... that although forgiveness is very hard, it is necessary.Holding onto anger and old hurts hardens your heart and hurts only you. Ask for help in letting go of the anger. Ask to see the situation through the eyes of compassion. Allow yourself to feel the lightness of forgiveness"-how liberating!

I have heard that heat and pressure makes diamonds.That's just how real the reality of anger should be to us. When we are at the receiving end, it is often difficult to see it in a good light; especially since the pressure is on us.But if we can  remember that anger is the rough on the diamond and wait it out,listen to the words of the soul without judging,try to understand the emotions in the heart,put ourselves in the other person's  place and swap roles ...maybe,like finding the diamond,we would find the bridge that would take us to a refreshing new start.

BE THE ARTISTE

A small piece is rising in my soul and it is one that should motivate you.However, it comes right down in my  heart like the words in a poem ,making this part  of  me come alive.More than anything i wish it brings you also to a depth of encouragement so much so  that you will do just what you need to do to recreate or create.                                                                                        


Like Shakespeare, if you have ever met a writer's block or even wanted to act like Genevieve Nnaji and Angelina Jolie but can't even piece your art together or maybe even got stuck on one point in life's mystery lane;i remind you:

picture by:Joshua Obiakoeze

"When it doesn't seem like everything is okay,that's when you have to pull back and thank your  stars.

When the going gets all uphill,that's when you have to muster enough stamina to beat the odds.

When the night is darkest,that's when you have to count on the rays of dawn to bring the difference.

When the clouds seem full with rain,that's when you can count on the grey beauty of the skies to show.

When you feel tired than most,that's when you can trust in the strength of resting a while".

...Most often,there will be the bleakness of  life and the tiring resurgence of the negatives.But remember it is not just about the negatives that we get thrown rather the capacity in our minds  to create  a more rewarding reality even in the midst of it all.


There, lies true living and the understanding that will upscale  the momentary phase.To be happy,much depends on  the power of the creativity of your mind.Like the bright sky,let your picture come alive.

BE THE ARTISTE...Give your best shot!

BIRTHDAY IDEAS FOR THE 9TH OF DECEMBER OR ANY OTHER DAY!

Birthdays are special times when we get in touch with our personal roots.Old or Young,there is always something about our birth days that warm our hearts.This customised feeling is usually just there even when you do not feel like throwing the wildest parties to celebrate.Deciding to give it full reign or not calls to mind some 'user discretion', depending on how modest you want  or not want to be.

photo:Destiny,Kaduna,Nigeria

 

Now, far from making you feel like your birthday is not on the 9th of December yours is actually so special i had to share. In-fact, this birthday idea was generated as a birthday gift for a friend who was born on the 23rd of of October and should come handy for your special day just like mine.So whether you are born on the 9th,23rd or any other day and month of the year,you should feel as special knowing you deserve the best of your beautiful day.

In trying to get the best birthday activities for that grand day ,i revel in putting together ideas to rev up your day.I hope it becomes my Birthday gift to you.

Whether you are naturally bubbly with a spilling joyful disposition or a quiet wise soul,the fun will be to carry out these activities just the way they are and 'add some'  rather than to subtract any.While some may not be entirely you,trying them out may bring out a part of you that you never knew existed.Perhaps you  may realise you do have a little child,a funny side,or even a naughty side  inside you after all.

Its not an exhausted list and you should really add some...So here we go.Some birthday activities for FABULOUS YOU:

* Be a child. Hang balloons outside your door... And make a wish.

*Buy a birthday cake that is boldly written something like:'Destiny is 42 and fabulous' in your favorite colors and get it delivered 1st thing in the morning- eat some piece.In fact,eat lots of pieces'

*Call up your mom and tell her today is your birthday and you are grateful she made the choice to introduce you to the world...send her  a gift that will coincide with the time of the call.

*Buy someone else a present...preferably someone who makes you most happy.

*Write up a list of ten things you are grateful for this year. After writing it out,close your eyes and send some words of gratitude to God. Afterward,dab a little of your favorite perfume on the sheet and burn it up as a sacrifice of thanksgiving...not so much as to burn your house down cos i will not be there to help you call fire service!

*Take yourself out and buy yourself a good meal...if possible have a blind date!

*See a movie. A really good movie. A very interesting and inspiring movie or one that you have been dying to see.

*Look through old photos of friends and family and have a laugh. You will be surprised how much that will mean to you.

*Have a game session with a friend or loved one and try not to loose..its your birthday !

*Have  a reconnection time even if you do not want a party :let your kids or friends (or you can do that with any one) take turns to tell you what they like about you,while you seat at the centre on a chair.Most preferably if they get to write them out and read them to you...you would be surprised at the emotion and the bonding.

*Read psalm 139 .Go to the mirror,smile.Keep smiling and say aloud seven times:'i am blessed and i am a gift to the world'...looking straight into your own eyes.

*Play your favorite music.Still thinking about all the good stuffs that has happened  to you this year or that you are grateful for, close your eyes and dance alone or Just simply enjoy the rythm.

*If you are able to get done all the items  on this list,do whatever else gives you joy. And after all goes down today,when you turn in and on bed,think about the joys of today and your life. With a smile on your face, send a gratitude kiss to heaven,turn over and have a good night rest!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

 

Preview

THANK GOD FOR LITERARY WORKS

Am reading 'Q; The autobiography of Quincy Jones'. It’s such a great read and every once in a while I read an anecdote, or a great saying from deep within the recesses of the great man. I read how much sorrow and plight brought out the capacity of a man whom the world has come to know today as one of the most formidable men of history especially in music history.

Often, you hear something from earth’s ‘human resource’ a substance in words that recounts the place of bad experience in the making of success. It baffles me that we only relate to those negatives in a joyful way only after the success has been accrued. How many of us truly see defeats, pain and suffering as earnestly what they are?...a passage to the lounge of happiness. Why is it that we easily identify the joyous, long after the pains have gone?

How I wish my mum taught me how to meet with failure. How I wish I was taught in graduate school the ways to deal with the offshoots of real hard-work and hustling. Perhaps if we were taught that as a course or got the full emphasis of it at the footstools of our parents, it would be easy to deal with the reality of them but Lo……No!

No one teaches you that. And just like life is full of surprises, we have to deal with all of these just the same way. But thank God for autobiographies and stories of success and pains that help us realize that. They keep us grounded with the understanding of others pertaining the scores of life. Thank God for literatures and books. At least what we never learn at kitchens and schools we get to learn from sheer human sharing through literary works.  

EVERYTHING IS AN ART

I have come to understand that in this life, everything is an art. Whether speaking, eating, walking or even putting oneself together. Knowing the intricacies of the proper way will always serve you when you want to do things well.

On every turn however, is someone who knows how to do well, some of the things you may find yourself inefficient and it will often pay off  better in living well if we could learn to do those things we have lesser finesse in doing.

I met a man who ate so badly and noticed how everyone shuddered silently around him, yet would not speak a word of it to him and it made me wonder.

I asked myself questions:

when did he loose it? Wasn’t there someone to notice and correct when he was much younger?... and even now isn’t there someone close who can help?

It’s obvious that much of what we do seem to be taught is passing. As such it becomes a normal trend to have an average knowledge of most things until we find the need to perfect the ability or raise our capability to do them more effectively.

I feel that one should not be shy about asking someone else to teach him/her the better way of doing any of life’s activity. Be it corporate or casual. As one of my friends quoted out recently in a conversation: “humility is not weakness” and I dare add that ‘asking to learn is neither a weakness too rather strength’.

After studying and readying about success at any point in time, it stands clear that often successful people did master the art of that specific activity, field or environment they are leading on.

So go all out to learn the most proper way of doing stuff. If you must yawn, yawn sweetly, if you must dance, be the best dancer. If you are a poor dresser, check out some of your friends that are good to go on appearance and hit that target.

It’s actually a fun place-this world. And everything is an art.

Give it to 'em!!!!!!!

TRAPPED IN THE WINDOW PANE

IT'S A SUNNY SATURDAY MORNING.ALMOST CLOSE TO NOON AND RIGHT IN MY VERY ROOM I GET TO LEARN SOME BIT OF LESSONS.

AS I WRITE,I LOOK DIRECTLY TO A BEAUTIFUL BEE  THAT SOMEWAY GOT HIM OR HERSELF TRAPPED IN MY WINDOW PANE.IT KIND OF GIVES ME PLEASURE TO EVEN CONSIDER THE GENDER OF THE BEE.IT BRINGS SOME GRIN TO MY TENDER LIPS...

MY BEE BUDDY SOMEHOW SEEMS TO BE TIRING HERSELF (AS I CONSIDER IT) FROM THE EFFORT AT TRYING TO LET HERSELF OUT;BUT WHAT SHE DOESN'T GET INTO HER SMALL BUSY BRAIN IS THE FACT THAT SHE IS BEATING AGAINST A GLASS AND MUCH AS SHE  SHE SEEMS TO SEE OUTSIDE  AND THE BEAUTIFUL NATURAL SCENERY,SHE REALLY CANNOT GET OUT.

AS I KEEP LOOKING,AM WONDERING...WHY CAN'T SHE SEE THAT THERE IS A BLOCKADE  BETWEEN HERSELF AND WHAT SHE SEES?WHY CAN'T SHE JUST GET IT THAT SHE'S WASTING A LOT OF EFFORT AGAINST SOMETHING THAT ISN'T BUDGING AT ALL?

AFTER A WHILE,IT REALLY GETS TO ME HOW MUCH WE CAN BE  SO SIMILAR TO  THIS BEE....MY BEE BUDDY THAT JUST DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHEN TO TRY ANOTHER OPTION.
...IT HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE SITUATION;IN LOVE RELATIONS;IN BUSINESS SITUATIONS ;THAT WHILE WE KEEP TURNING  THE KNOB OF A CLOSED DOOR,WE COULD CHECK OUT OTHER OPTIONS OF EXIT OR ENTRANCE WHATEVER THE CASE MAYBE.HOW MUCH FAMILIAR WE CAN GET BANGING AT AN EMPTY LOCKED AND BOLTED DOOR FROM BEHIND.

LO AND BEHOLD,SHE DID NOT REALIZE THAT SHE IS THE ONE GIVING HERSELF THE ILLUSION OF BEING TRAPPED BEHIND THE WINDOW PANE BECAUSE EVEN I ,EVEN I, COULD SEE THAT INCHES FROM HER STRUGGLES LIES THE OTHER HALF OF THE CLOSED WINDOW.WIDE OPEN WITH THE STREAMING BRIGHTNESS OF THE WARM SUNLIGHT AMIDST THE COOL BREEZE OF THE NORTHERN  HARMATTAN WEATHER.

JUST WATCHING HER EMPTY STRUGGLES AND THE QUIET TIRED RESTS SHE TAKES IN-BETWEEN EACH EXHAUSTIVE EFFORT MADE ME GASP "WOW" IN SUCH AN EXASPERATED AUDIBLE VOLUME THAT JOLTED ME TO THE REALISATION OF HOW INTENSELY INVOLVED  I HAD GOTTEN IN MY MIND,PUTTING MYSELF BESIDE HER AND WISHING I COULD TEACH HER TO MOVE THE OTHER WAY.

IN A MOMENT,SHE CAME REAL CLOSE TO THE OUTLET.SEPARATED FROM THE GREAT OUTSIDE   BY JUST AN INCH.AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT SHE WOULD BE OUT THIS TIME,SHE GETS RIGHT ON TO THE OTHER SIDE WHERE SHE COULD NEVER GET OUT...WHAT A SHAME!

AND THEN, I THINK:HOW MANY TIMES  HAVE I ACTED JUST LIKE  MY BEE BUDDY?..BEING ADAMANT AT BEING SILLY,EVEN STUPID IN MY LIFE'S QUEST?...HOW MANY TIMES DID I CHOOSE NOT TO SEE THE CLEAR PICTURE THAT BEHIND ONE ROUTE OF IMPOSSIBILITY,A POSSIBILITY LIES SOMEWHERE THAT I HAD CHOSEN NOT TO SEE BECAUSE I WAS BLIND BY THE CIRCUMSTANCES?HOW MANY TIMES DID I FORGO THE FACT THAT"I CAN GO THROUGH IT WITHOUT LETTING IT GET THROUGH ME" AS T.D JAKES RIGHTLY SAID?

YES, SOMETIMES AS HUMANS WE CAN GET TRAPPED IN THE WINDOW PANE OF OUR LIFES WITHOUT KNOWING WE WERE THE MICHEAL ANGELO OF OUR REALITY...THAT IT IS IN REAL SENSE A DELUSION THAT WE CREATED FOR OURSELVES AND THAT THE FREE WORLD IS BARELY INCHES  AWAY FROM OUR TIRED EFFORTS.

IT DID MAKE ME LOOK FORTH INTO THE CLEAR BLUE SKY AND THE LIMITLESS HORIZON BEYOND.A HORIZON THAT WE CAN ENJOY WHEN WE RIP OURSELVES  OF THE CAGEY MENTALITY OF SMALL ENTRAPMENT AND LEAP INTO THE SWEETNESS THAT THE UNIVERSE ACCORDS;TO SEE THE FULL PICTURE.

AND AS SOON AS THIS THOUGHT BROUGHT ME ANOTHER SMILE I LOOKED JUST IN TIME  TO SEE MY BEE BUDDY FINALLY DISCOVER ,INCHES AWAY THE  WAY TO FREEDOM.

...YES!,I SHOUTED.

FINALLY FREE,SHE FLEW WITH SPEED AND A NEW LIFE INTO THE SILENT COOL AFTERNOON BREEZE.
 
...WHILE I KEPT MEDITATING ON THE LESSONS FROM MY BEE BUDDY'S EXPERIENCE I KNEW I COULD BE FREE ANYTIME IN LIFE ,REGARDLESS OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES IF I COULD OPEN MY EYES WELL ENOUGH TO TAKE IN THE BIG PICTURE.I REALIZE THAT IT IS WITHIN ME TO DISCOVER THE OUTLET ALREADY WAITING FOR MY EXIT AND A BRAND NEW ENTRANCE.BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING,NOT GIVING UP AND PERSEVERING COULD BE THE KEY.YES IT COULD BE THE WRONG  DOOR BUT  JUST DON'T SIT THERE DOING NOTHING AND IF YOU DO SOMETHING,DON'T STOP THINKING AND CHECKING OUT IF WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS THE RIGHT STUFF.


YOU AND I MAY NOT BE A BEE BUT  NOT ACTING OUT MY BEE BUDDY'S PLACE SHOULD BE THE "HOME RUN" AS LONG AS WE USE OUR INITIATIVE, STOP ASKING: 'WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING?' AND START ASKING 'WHAT CAN I DO NEXT?'.

                      ...IT'S A WORLD OF LIMITLESS OPPORTUNITIES...I KNOW I CAN
                                                        CREATE MY REALITY.

                                                            AND SO CAN
                                                                      YOU!



AFTERS:Gush! i really believed and thought today is a Saturday until i got a call a few minutes back from a friend who told me  today isn't Saturday but Friday.Wow...just traded place with my bee buddy.

DAMN! Laugh out loud.